tales from the far east

I cant believe I’m back in America! Ive been back for about a week now, and even though I was getting homesick towards the end of my trip, I really wish I was back in East Asia right now. I got back Friday evening, and the whole weekend I was so jetlagged, emotional and depressed (ranging from mild do extremely).

Thank you for your prayers, the trip was amazing! There were some things I had to adjust to (namely, the lack of Western toilets) but I am so thankful to have been able to see another side of the world. It is so humbling to see just how much I have in America that I take for granted – simple things like being able to brush my teeth with clean tap water, eating a burger anytime I wanted, having 24/7 access to air conditioning...I spent the majority of my time in a city in the south (anonymously called B-town). Everyone was so hospitable over there and even though I didn’t speak the language, they were still so friendly and open to communicating, even if it was by hand gestures and pointing!

[Background: B-town is in the process of receiving a lot of funding from the government to build up the city and increase tourism. It is slated to become a much bigger tourist attraction in the next 10 years, hence they need better English speakers. This is the first local contract for an English training in this city (even though they need English speakers, they are hesitant because they are afraid once employees are able to speak English, they will leave for bigger cities), but at the end of our training, they made it clear that there will be more training opportunities in the future! Yippee! I am actually going to be continuing working with my hosts in B-town to put together a  standard English training manual and lessons so they can have more of these throughout the year!]

In B-town, we conducted an English training (almost like a workshop) for some employees of a major bank – teaching things like basic English, banking terms, numbers, dates, as well as practice correct pronunciation (such as the difference between l and r, v and f, etc). We taught through interactive role plays, taught and sang songs, played ice breakers, and even had a final exam! We had small groups as well as big group time; and fortunately, I had an opportunity to get to know my students beyond teacher/student role. They were mostly in my age group, and very friendly!! I plan on keeping in touch with them (as long as they are receptive to that also!). We also spent time at Firefly, and English speaking coffee shop where we were able to meet and talk with more of the community. I was able to hang out and talk with a relatively broad range of people – from high schoolers to middle agers. There were also some new Christians that are employees of Firefly – it was such a blessing to be able to meet them and talk to them about their new and exciting faith! I only wish I could be there longer – you can’t do a whole lot in such a short time period!

Let me preface by saying – prior to leaving, I had very high and extremely unrealistic expectations of what I would achieve over there. Head knowledge was that I was only there for a very short time, and the most I could ask for was to build relationships, have a glimpse of what life was like outside of my own privileged life, and see if serving long-term was something God had in store for me, somewhere down the line. My heart however, wanted more. I talk a lot about humility, but honestly, I wanted to do things that were big and grand and gave me glory. I wanted to do things that caused people to say "wow! she's awesome!" When I agreed to go on this trip, part of the draw for me was that I really felt like I needed to go here - a red zone country - to humble myself and learn to be willing to go where God wanted me, even if it wasn't exciting. The last thing I needed (though what I really really wanted) was to go somewhere like a medical mission or build water wells for orphans because then I would rely on the immediate results to give me a temporary spiritual high (I'm not saying this is true for everyone, just something that applies to me personally). I focus so much on what I can achieve that sometimes, I take God out of the equation. Its almost like, if I can see the immediate results of my work, I stop depending on God, and start depending on myself more.

Anyways, even though I knew there would be a HUGE language barrier and where I was going was very restricted, I wanted to see so many things happen in the 2 short weeks that I was there. Naturally, when people weren't lining up to hear about Jesus, I became very discouraged and I questioned why I was there, what on earth I am doing, and asking God why I couldn’t be more effective. There were times when I wished I was in a bigger city, where its more open (the government is more restrictive on minority groups) or that I was on on another type of trip or even back home. It was a huge emotional roller coaster, but I guess thats how I learn best! I really felt like through this trip, God has shown me that all I'm doing is taking a small step of faith, and that there will be many more steps to come. I'm still learning Its an ongoing struggle, but I always need to remind myself that its not about what I can do, but its what God chooses to do through me, and through each of us. I’ve realized, slowly and painfully, that even though I want to do things that are great and glorifying to me, God has different plans. I wanted to be the one to water the plant and see the flower bloom, but God sent me overseas to prepare the soil and support the gardener. Work that I considered unimportant and boring, but of course, necessary for the harvest.

I went on this trip because I wanted to be a blessing to others, and honestly, I have no idea how effective I was, and I will probably never know. But that’s ok, because I feel like everyone I met in B-Town has been a HUGE blessing to me, just being over there has opened my eyes a lot, and even though it breaks my heart to see so much beauty, and so few people who appreciate the Creator of all that beauty, its also encouraging to know that things will not always be this way. There is hope, and its only (a bunch of) little steps away! The long-term m-people that I worked with in B-town have dedicated their lives to serving God overseas, and being able to work with them has been an amazing experience! I don't know what my future will look like, but I hope, one day, at the end of it all, I will be able to say that I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have kept the faith.

Thank you! thank you! thank you! everyone for your support! I could not have done it without everyone's support! I am so thankful for the opportunity to see the beauty of the country, to meet the wonderful people of B-town and to be able to serve in an environment that is completely new and challenging to me! Hopefully there will be a few more English words spoken in B-town now :)

For those who are interested, you can read the recap of my trip below!!

super long tales from the far east

Beijing

We started our trip a few days early in Beijing - I figured since we would have to fly through it anyways, might as well take advantage of it! The city is beautiful, and the history behind it makes it even more beautiful! The Beijing airport is so grand, and surprisingly clean, compared to the rest of the city. We did pretty much all the touristy things in about 2 days! It was exhausting but so worth it!

 Pizza Hut is like, 4 star dining in China. Here is a supreme pizza with pigs in the blanket for the crust. Chinese people do not like tomato sauce for some reason.

Mutianyu Great Wall. I wish it wasn't so foggy (or is it smog?) I didn't get to see a whole lot of the Great Wall because the altitude was killing me, but they all look the same anyways!

  Birds Nest and Watercube from a distance - not that impressive.

 

 Summer Palace. The first few minutes were beautiful, but then everything started to look alike!

My teammate Kimberly, dreaming of a cheeseburger.

Tiananmen Square and Forbidden City. I think I was delirious at this point, I have no idea what anything was. It seemed like a neverending trek to get inside and people kept trying to speak Chinese to me. I think I turned around prematurely, because I never saw any of the cool stuff that Wikipedia says was inside the Palace :(

We walked around Qianmen a little bit, which was cool because it was a mixture of old and modern Beijing. Also saw these little goodies - I have no idea if people actually eat them or if its more of a novelty thing for tourists. But YUCK. and poor little bugs, getting skewered :( so sad.

B-town

After our little vacation in Beijing, we flew south, then took a 3 hour bus ride into B-town. Thank goodness I had my motion sickness patch, because roads over there are rough! The drive was beautiful though! This was my first glimpse of the countryside - the province was known for its beautiful landscape, and it did not disappoint! 

 This picture doesn't really do it justice, but huge mountains lined the roads, and there were rows and rows of mountains stretching beyond the horizons. It was so beautiful, especially coming from Texas!

 We stayed at the Holiday Hotel (they actually spelled it Holiday Hoetl), where we slept on concrete beds with Funk the roach and a few of his friends. It was actually not bad, luckily we had A/C and a western toilet! It was about 650 RMB for one person for 2 weeks (a little less than USD$100). The electricity would only turn on if you were in the room and had the room card inserted in the slot, which I thought was such a good idea - less waste! How come we don't have that here in America?

 

This was the view from our room, the city park! This is basically everyone's backyard - where people do tai chi and exercise in the morning, where the kids play and the teenagers hang out. 

  Its also home to the cutest stools and benches! They have chairs and benches in the shape of pandas, hello kitties, gnomes, many many more - I don't know how asian people think of such cute things!!

The Training

We started our training Monday morning. Since the employees still had to work during the training, we had an early morning and an evening component. Originally, we were supposed to have 60+ students, but the Bank was hesitant because this was the first training, so they only signed up about half of that. It worked well though, because the class was small enough for us to be more intimate with them! Everyone was so friendly and so open to be learning, this was my first time teaching adults and even though it was tougher than teaching kids, it was definitely and unforgettable experience - its strange to feel so attached to people you've known for less than 2 weeks. Our class ( this was probably the nicest room we stayed in! I guess bank meeting rooms are nicer in China):

our class!

taking notes

practicing their roleplays

their morning lessons. I had to be subtle in taking this picture but the girls looked so cute in their uniforms!

 certificate of completion!

 This was the students after their final exam! Not everyone passed, but we still gave everyone a certificate of completion. They were all so happy to get their certificates! We also recorded our entire lesson and sang the songs for them on a CD. So somewhere in China, there are 30 CDs of me singing "Hello, How Are You?"

Unfortunately, I dont have a lot of pictures with my small group. I dont have any pictures of me teaching the class, they're all on my teammate's camera and she hasn't sent them over yet :(

Here are some videos of some of them singing. The songs are super lame, I know :)

Firefly

In addition to the training, I also worked and hung out at Firefly, a English-speaking coffee shop. It rained for most of the time we were there, but we were still able to hang out, and I met some awesome people. Most people there were able to speak English conversationally, and they all wanted to know about America culture - most of them had never eaten a hamburger before (or a han ba ba, as its called in Chinese)! Pictures of Firefly below.

 rooftop seating area

hanging out with some high schoolers. They were all obsessed with the iphone 4 for some reason. the Caucasian is a long term m person living in B-town, working with my hosts.

playing games inside because it was raining!

another long term m worker working with the hosts and playing blokus

me presenting on America culture and food! I think I was talking about my family here.

me with some Firefly coworkers. I love these girls!!

More of the City
Some more pictures of the city, so you can have a better feel of what it was like.

 Views of the whole city from the city monument, on a hill.

Typical street in the city

My favorite street in the city, I walked by here every day to training

the meat market

and right next to the meat market was the fruit stand!

This was our version of Starbucks, but instead of coffee, it was tea! My usual sweet iced jasmine tea was 2.5 RMB, which is about 37 cents. Such a culture shock to come back and have to pay $4 for a drink at Starbucks!!

me with my 3 favorite girls in b-town

Guilin/Yangshuo

Something I was really looking forward to on this trip was a little side trip we were planning - we were going to go into a village in the mountains, and meet some local villagers, as well as hold little English workshops for some of the school children. Let me stress again, I was really looking forward to this! I wanted to see their culture, and see how they lived outside of the city. Unfortunately - or fortunately, depending on how you look at it - there was so much rain going on at this time that there were flooding and landslides in much of the province. The village we were planning on going to was inaccessible until the rain subsided. Since we couldn't do what we had originally planned, we took a super short flight out to Guilin, a city renowned for its beauty. We were able to ask a young believer to come with us to act as a translator, and we had 2 days to hang out with her, talk to her about her new faith, her doubts, her hopes and dreams. It was meant to be a mini intense discipleship, but it just felt like we were old friends!

This was the first time she had ever traveled, and her first time on a plane! Her goal in life is to make enough money to take her parents to visit Beijing :)

floating down the Li River, it was so beautiful

This scenery is the shown on the 20 Yuan bill, but I couldn't find the exact spot where the picture was taken! I wish it was a bit sunnier that day so the reflection would show more. 

Moon Hill. It was nearly 1000 steps to the top of the hill, and I nearly died on the way up there!

View from the top of the hill (in the hole of the mountain). The mountains dont even look real!

To be continued. Part II coming soon!!

undulation

"Merely to over-ride a human will (as His felt presence in any but the faintest and most mitigated degree would certainly do) would be for Him useless. He cannot ravish. He can only woo. For His ignoble idea is to eat the cake and have it; the creatures are to be one with Him, but yet themselves; merely to cancel them, or assimilate them, will not serve. He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning. He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs—to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. We can drag our patients along by continual tempting, because we design them only for the table, and the more their will is interfered with the better. He cannot “tempt” to virtue as we do to vice. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger, than when a human, no longer desiring, but intending, to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."

CS Lewis wrote about the law of undulation in The Screwtape Letters. Our lives are never linear, everyone goes through periods of highs and lows - the troughs and the peaks. Its how we deal with the troughs that speaks of who we are and where we stand with God. During the peaks in my life and spiritual walk, I never remember how painful the troughs were, and during the troughs, the peaks never seem as high as I remembered. 

When I am sad or in pain, it is so hard to keep God at the forefront of my mind, when all I want to do is embrace and cling on to the pain, because it makes me feel alive. Letting go of the pain would require healing, and Im afraid that it will heal over all the memories, even the painful ones. I think it stems from the fact that Im not really sure God will provide, and clinging on to the past painful memories are better than what He will provide for me anyways. Its so foolish, but I think if I put it in writing and in a public forum, I can acknowledge it before God easier. There are things that are so difficult for me to bring before God, and not trusting Him is right up there, near the top of the list. 

I dont know where Im going with this. I think Im going through a mild trough right now. Im going to look back on this post tomorrow and realize how foolish I was - God is here all along, and He will get me through this trough, just like every other trough I have gone through and will go through in the future.

the domestic life

Im dogsitting for my sister this week...living in a big house alone is scary! even if you have a dog to hang out (i keep wishing the dog would turn into a ferret...no offense wes!) every little noise, every little creak freaks me out, I can't wait to go back to my little 1200 SF apartment!

its 10:52pm and Ive already seen 4 commercials for Dr. Kim's lap band procedure. I think God is telling me something. Why eat right and exercise when I can stuff my face now, then lose weight with a lap band? so tempting...

this week has been so stressful. in times of high stress i tend to reminisce about the past the most. It makes me miss someone and drains my usually half full glass a bit. But in times of high stress is also when I feel God's presence the most, He always brings me peace when I need it, even times when I didn't know I need it.

God rocks. Wes thinks so too!

undead ferrets don't belong here

A minute ago, in my room, I heard something scratching against the wall. Thinking it was just Bangoo messing around, I ignored it...until I looked over at her little urn and remembered that Bangoo is no longer here.

The scratching persisted though, and became louder. And louder. Terrified of finding a zombie ferret wanting to cuddle, I was paralyzed for about 10 seconds. Common sense kicked in though, and I got up to find the source of the scratching, hoping it would be just a cute little mouse or something. 

Fortunately for me, it was neither mouse nor ferret, just my dry erase board sloooowly sliding down my door, and the adhesive was rubbing against the door as it slid down. It was, sadly, the most exciting thing to happen all day. My heart is still beating quite loudly, but its making me miss Bangoo even more.

mediocrity then death

I can't believe I'm leaving for China in 22 days! I'm so excited and so nervous. This is so much more than just a trip or a vacation - I feel like (this is totally the wrong way to think btw) this is THE trip that will define the direction for my life. I've been thinking about long term overseas missions since taking Perspectives last fall, and I can't help but feel there is a lot riding on my experience in the next month. What if the people over there hate me? What if God calls me to serve overseas? Or worse - what if He doesn't call me at all?? What if I'm destined to live a life of 8-5 mediocrity until I die?

I know I shouldn't think like that, and that God will let me know when (if) the time is right, but still, my mind wanders a lot. Most likely, this trip will just be the first of many baby steps that I have to take in order to know what His will is for me, but I'm really hoping it will be somewhat clearer. I'm trying to align my heart with His and to be not only content but joyful everyday, but man, its tough. I like moping because then, the day is all about me! How crappy I'm feeling, how sucky my life is, how bleak my future is. Being joyful forces me to think about God and all the wonderful things He has done and is continuing to do - maybe not currently in my own life, but if I look around me, His Hand is everywhere. I hope I can remember this when Im challenged overseas. (and yes, I'm aware I'm going for only 2 weeks and not like, 2 years, but still! Its my first time!)

Well, since the chances of dying overseas is slightly higher (though still pretty miniscule, I hope) I wrote out my last will & testament today. Sadly, I don't have much to give away. My biggest concern for the past 6 years was what would happen to Bangoo if I died, but now that she's gone, all I have to worry about is who would get all my designer jeans. I decided to leave everything to my mom, so if I don't come back alive, I'm sure you will be able to find my jeans at a local garage sale for a dollar each.

embracing here

Its been 8 months since my last blog, and I'm afraid my blogging buddy (now roomie and occasional pig-out partner) has left me for greener pastures. Where this pasture is or how to get there, I have no idea. I assume it involves hanging out with someone of the opposite sex, so unfortunately, it looks like I'm stuck here forever.

Its ok though. Here is a great place to be.

Here is where I wish Bangoo could be right now, but she's having too much fun hanging out with God in heaven. I hope she puts in a good word for me.

Here is where I have 6 awesome nephews/niece to play with and make fun of and can conveniently hand them back to their parents when I'm tired of them or accidentally hurt them (physically and/or emotionally). Which is quite often. Babies are so clumsy. And they cry too much.

Most importantly though, here is where God has lead me, therefore I know this is where I belong. I'd like to think of my life as a giant jawbreaker - every day is a new layer. With every day that I am able to wake up and feel God's sunshine on my face, another layer is added until I get so big and so delicious that I have to be rolled up into heaven. And yes, new layer of candy on my heavenly jawbreaker body = new layer of fat on my earthly body.

Every single day of my life is the culmination of every path I've taken, every opportunity I've missed, every dream that eludes me, every new crack in my heart and every new wrinkle in my brain. This means that every day, I am a brand new person! And as a brand new person, I am free from yesterday's limitations and last week's despair; I am free to continue dreaming the dream I've dreamt relentlessly for the past 28 years.

So I'm learning to embrace my here, to hold onto hope every day that I wake up, because its all around me. I can't keep ignoring what God has given me - no, its not lots of money, a trophy husband or a ferret that lives forever, but He has given me lots and lots of hope, and a heart that is capable of lots and lots of love. First, I have to embrace it, then I have to learn to share it.

Thats the tough part. Sharing is hard. But its ok, I think I'll let future me deal with it.