"Merely to over-ride a human will (as His felt presence in any but the faintest and most mitigated degree would certainly do) would be for Him useless. He cannot ravish. He can only woo. For His ignoble idea is to eat the cake and have it; the creatures are to be one with Him, but yet themselves; merely to cancel them, or assimilate them, will not serve. He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning. He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs—to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. We can drag our patients along by continual tempting, because we design them only for the table, and the more their will is interfered with the better. He cannot “tempt” to virtue as we do to vice. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger, than when a human, no longer desiring, but intending, to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."
CS Lewis wrote about the law of undulation in The Screwtape Letters. Our lives are never linear, everyone goes through periods of highs and lows - the troughs and the peaks. Its how we deal with the troughs that speaks of who we are and where we stand with God. During the peaks in my life and spiritual walk, I never remember how painful the troughs were, and during the troughs, the peaks never seem as high as I remembered.
When I am sad or in pain, it is so hard to keep God at the forefront of my mind, when all I want to do is embrace and cling on to the pain, because it makes me feel alive. Letting go of the pain would require healing, and Im afraid that it will heal over all the memories, even the painful ones. I think it stems from the fact that Im not really sure God will provide, and clinging on to the past painful memories are better than what He will provide for me anyways. Its so foolish, but I think if I put it in writing and in a public forum, I can acknowledge it before God easier. There are things that are so difficult for me to bring before God, and not trusting Him is right up there, near the top of the list.
Thanks for sharing. Your posts are always an encouragement to read. Sometimes I also find it difficult to acknowledge my doubts and struggles before God. But what I am always reminded of is that there is no use trying to hide from God. He knows me better than I know myself, so when I acknowledge my struggles to him, I am not telling him anything new :) Instead God asks me to humble myself before him and to acknowledge what he already knows. I think it is by bringing our most difficult struggles before him and by asking him for the grace to change that we express our dependence upon him. And when we do that, He is glorified.
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