embracing here

Its been 8 months since my last blog, and I'm afraid my blogging buddy (now roomie and occasional pig-out partner) has left me for greener pastures. Where this pasture is or how to get there, I have no idea. I assume it involves hanging out with someone of the opposite sex, so unfortunately, it looks like I'm stuck here forever.

Its ok though. Here is a great place to be.

Here is where I wish Bangoo could be right now, but she's having too much fun hanging out with God in heaven. I hope she puts in a good word for me.

Here is where I have 6 awesome nephews/niece to play with and make fun of and can conveniently hand them back to their parents when I'm tired of them or accidentally hurt them (physically and/or emotionally). Which is quite often. Babies are so clumsy. And they cry too much.

Most importantly though, here is where God has lead me, therefore I know this is where I belong. I'd like to think of my life as a giant jawbreaker - every day is a new layer. With every day that I am able to wake up and feel God's sunshine on my face, another layer is added until I get so big and so delicious that I have to be rolled up into heaven. And yes, new layer of candy on my heavenly jawbreaker body = new layer of fat on my earthly body.

Every single day of my life is the culmination of every path I've taken, every opportunity I've missed, every dream that eludes me, every new crack in my heart and every new wrinkle in my brain. This means that every day, I am a brand new person! And as a brand new person, I am free from yesterday's limitations and last week's despair; I am free to continue dreaming the dream I've dreamt relentlessly for the past 28 years.

So I'm learning to embrace my here, to hold onto hope every day that I wake up, because its all around me. I can't keep ignoring what God has given me - no, its not lots of money, a trophy husband or a ferret that lives forever, but He has given me lots and lots of hope, and a heart that is capable of lots and lots of love. First, I have to embrace it, then I have to learn to share it.

Thats the tough part. Sharing is hard. But its ok, I think I'll let future me deal with it.